can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need a burrito and a hug.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
