he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
