we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
