I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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