I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
