hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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