when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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