I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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