..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
