do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
