Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
