I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
