There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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