Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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