I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
