hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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