Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
