Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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