im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
