Where is the hickey?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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