I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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