She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
