Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
