Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
