He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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