can u get pink eye on your cock?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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