I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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