My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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