It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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