My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
