So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
