Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
