you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize