her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
