Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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