Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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