Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
