So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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