the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
