sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
