apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
