The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
