Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize