eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
