I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
