so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
i think my cat just said my name.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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