I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
