I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
please come you make the beer taste better
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
