just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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