It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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